My short apartment search appears to have ended

It was a stormy day, as dark as night at 9 a.m., the strangest thing... But that's all right - I think I found a home! The apartment was one of the first I saw, the one I liked and it was taken. My luck kicked in, as usual, and the realestate agent called in the late afternoon saying it's mine if I want it. Sure I do! If everything goes well I'll be out of here by the end of next week. What sucks is no cable and no internet for a few days. Also, Argentina's going on hold until next year.
So much has been overlooked in the past 3-4 months - sometimes I loose track of what's important to me. I got caught up in the vortex of my fucked up family. My original plan for this year was to start off light (hence the trip to Italy), get my shit together and write. Since my return in March I've been drowned in a whole mess of problems I'm expected to deal with 'cause I'm the "smart one" and "I've got the time" - yeah, right... and they're not even mine! The worst part is that nothing gets solved, some people are addicted to problems and every time you come up with a solution something else is added so the drama can continue. I'm done with drama and I've got my own things to sort out.
The place is great, small building, quiet neighbourhood, top floor - no upstairs neighbours! As soon as I get my Zs in order I'll star producing better, it's always been that way. Once again I'll have my privacy, I'll be able to go around naked like I love and that's priceless... Most important, I'll be able to get my head in order. I've been so anxious lately, sometimes it feels like my chest is going to burst and my heart will just take off. Who could blame it? It's not like I've been doing such a good job at taking care of it. I placed myself in a stressful situation and now I sleep poorly, I haven't been eating well, my skin's gone crazy on me, been smoking like a chimney, skipping pilates and getting pissed off. Not very healthy.

There's always something...

I've been experiencing a lot of turbulence lately. Last week I had some time to think about my original priorities and how things had to change drastically. This living arrangement I have with my sister is not doing me any good anymore. The idea was to help each other out, I helped her with the bills until her husband got a job and in return I would have a place to keep my stuff and sometimes myself. I moved in with her last year so we could work on the house we were selling. That was a dark year, we grew up in that house, I knew that going back there would mess with me and it did, there we had a long and painfully serious talk about our relationship and our lives and decide to work on our differences. She did the grown-up thing and went looking for a place to buy, I wasn't really sure of what I wanted to do, that's when "the deal" happened. I always fall for this sort of thing, it sounds good at first, I get to come and go as I please and not to worry with any bureaucracy - that would be the best part - but there's always a trap somewhere in it. We moved in the new place last year in November and in December I went to Italy for three months. So, during that time it was great sharing a place with my sister and her psycho husband - 'cause I wasn't here! It's a wonder it lasted so long, now I have to carefully think about what I'm going to do next. I've seen a few places, nothing I really liked, not one good bathroom so far and that's very important to me. Then I thought about how I was planning to visit Patagonia before the whole thing thaws out. What's unfair about my living arrangements turning sour is that I really didn't want to rent a place I'm not going to use much... Anyway, the though of spending some time in Argentina crossed my mind. I found out about a school where you can learn Spanish and take tango classes both in Buenos Ayres and in Bariloche. Whatever I do I hope to be out of here by the end of the month. It's raining now, I just love the way it sounds...

A little vacation

I've been neglecting this blog and that's nothing new. I'm big on starting things never to finish them but this time I want to do this right. Last week I went on a little vacation to Florianópolis, the island of Santa Catarina. I love that place, 40 beaches (or so) in one island, who wouldn't? I went with some friends on a spur of the moment thing, me plus 4 (one of which was also bipolar, but my complete opposite). We had fun on the road, plenty of weed to go around... After we got there (it's a 7 hr drive) we went first to the Campeche beach for a party, I didn't know anyone at first but I made friends with a LOT of people there - wish I could remember all their names though, hehe, darn beer... Well, we got there early and I'm a bit shy, that's ok cause I usually overcome it by pretending I'm not shy, and it works beautifully - along with the beer. Oh, also made two new friends at the party, a couple who lives across the street from the party guy (didn't like him very much, though) and we have plans for next time I'm in town (by the end of the year). Next day we went to Itapirubá, a beach just outside of Florianópolis in the morning and to the north of the island late in the afternoon to see a friend I haven't spoken to since college. We stayed in his place for a couple of days because of the guy who went there with us, but I swear I'm never setting foot there again. First of all, he turned into some really strange breed of hippie, mixed with punk, yeah, go figure... his place reeked! He and his wife have an Inn, so he told me I had to wait until the next day for a room, but I could sleep in his place until then. The wife was in the hospital cause they managed to let their child almost drown in the pool and that first night there I woke up with that motherfucker in bed with me! I felt something brushing ever so slightly against my ass and sure enough it was his hand, I yelled at him and he left me alone. The strangest thing, I've been feeling extra sleepy for awhile - and that's very unlike me, a insomniac- so I though I was cycling into depression again, but turns out I just got a really bad cold and it took it's time to bring me down. This has been the weirdest winter ever, so hot it feels like summer, worse than last year which was hot too. I went around the beach like it was summer, except the sun was so hot I didn't really feel the effect of the wind and now I'm sick, getting better, but still...Anyway, I'll post some more on Florianópolis later, I'm feeling a bit loopy now, so I better take a nap or something. And I'll stop neglecting the blog... I hope.

How about that...

New day, new week, all new stuff - or at least almost... I feel so proud of myself when I get rid of something that does me no good. Or someone, which is the case here. Now let's just hope that the old "out of sight out of mind" thing will actually work. Enough about that! Last week I found a label that I wouldn't mind using, it's supposed to be serious but it just cracked me up. Well, turns out I'm an 'Apatheist'. I'll elaborate! I was never religious, so if there's one thing I can really (I mean really) thank my parents for is never forcing me or my sister into catholicism - if you don't count the baptism, that is. Anyway, I was talking to some guy about that and he kept bringing up his atheism (he's probably real proud of it). As I mentioned I was never religious and I think that it means just that, not 'I was never religious and now I'm a born-again atheist', man, that's the same as being in a cult, or sect or, get this and be patient - a religion! So, while I was doing some reading online I ran into an article about apatheism, and it fits me like a glove. It goes something like this: an apatheist is someone who considers the question of the existence of God as neither meaningful nor relevant to human affairs. In other words, apatheists just don't care. And I don't even care if you are religious, go for it! We all gotta believe in something. Me? I believe in life and in chaos, some would say they're the same thing. Just keep something in mind: don't go around nagging everyone cause you think you've got everything figured out - cause you don't! No one does man, sorry... I remember reading about a north-American tribe, they used to place seeds in the orifices of their dearly departed and then 'plant' them in the ground, the seeds would germinate and grow into trees. Now, in my opinion, that would be the only way to have a shot at 'eternal life', you in the tree, the birds and other critters eat from the tree, they poop out the seeds and then there's another tree, you've relocated!