Oh Brother! (in law)

What a crappy morning... Sometimes I wonder if what's wrong with this world isn't directly related to the so called 'normal people'. Sometimes I'm sure of it. I'll elaborate. For some time now I've been having problems with the upstairs neighbours, don't really know what's the matter with those imbeciles, but it sounds like they're gonna come crashing through the ceiling, plus they've got a kid that enjoys bouncing something heavy and apparently solid just above my head and I could just giddily snap his little neck. Now, his precious mother, upon a very reasonable request for some silence responded as this: "My boy will play anyway he wants. I am a decent woman, I don't drink and I don't smoke", what the hell is that supposed to mean? Thanks to whatever force in this world (probably myself) I learned to hold my tongue - even though it doesn't always work. So after a lot of fighting I can't say it's all better, but it sure has improved. Now, on the other hand, I've got my highly disturbed brother-in-law, who - get this - actually managed to get addicted to pot... Well it wouldn't be that bad if he had adhered to the Tribes of Peace, but it's not the case he's the world's most high strung stoner. And my new noise maker. My mood is reactive, so it doesn't really help me to wake up to total chaos just because he ran out of weed. Maybe if he got a job things like this wouldn't happen. Of course it would be great if he decided to get a job to help out my sister with the bills and not only to get high. But what do I know about love, right? For years people have been telling me that I'm emotionally unavailable and super selfish. Now, anyone - in their right mind - gets pissed off upon waking up to really unreasonable noise. Granted, even the super patient. In therapy I learned that only the meds weren't gonna cut it, I needed peace and stability in my life, in my environment. Most of it is up to me, but some of it has to be taken on by those who live with me and are a part of my life. It ticks me off that people can claim to care about you and then turn around and be completely oblivious and disrespectful to your needs. What am I up to now? I'm locked in my room, listening to music and drinking some coffee (ok, a LOT of it). How healthy is that? At least I'm not disturbing the disturbed...

Adding new quirks

There comes a time in a creature's life when it starts to feel like it's time to add someone for whatever reason. It can be loneliness, love, sex, money, hey even revenge - people do all sorts of crazy shit. I've become involved with different people throughout my existence for most of the reasons listed before and lately - better than never - I've been feeling like I could make room for someone else in my world, only this time around I'll be more assertive about the who and very clear on the why to avoid any traps I could possibly set for myself. My mission is simple, one wide scan for a partner who meets my criterion (fancy huh?) to be elaborated on later if I feel like it.

On a need to tell basis

I think I should come clean about something right away, I was born with a mood disorder that has been much commented on along the years (but not really understood), it goes by the name of "Bipolar Disorder" and it can be a bitch if it wants to. It's not the case with me, but I do understand those who suffer from it to such an extent that the separation between self and illness can be too blurry, I've been there, that's how I know. The agony and the ecstasy of living can be so much more pronounced in some human entities than in others. My advice? Embrace it, it's you, you're not it! We are just the way our genectic history made us, aside from environmental and cultural adaptations, there's no escaping it. Really, think about it, can anyone go against their true nature? As long as you take good care of yourself and your mood swings don't interfere negatively in your everyday life, than I can honestly say that you were born with the BEST illness in the entire universe and that you should let all that sound and fury in your head take you to that higher ground so few mortals can reach. Enjoy!

For lack of better things to do...

I've been wondering about the truth in what people tell me... What happens if your instincts fail to tell you to protect yourself, what then? Lately I've discovered that I'm capable of feelings that I thought were restricted to the unwitting... Not that I find anything wrong with the way some halfwits feel or go about things, I'm pro individualism, so do what you have to, my problem lye in the fact that I feel like a teenage girl, wanting things just because... Maybe I'm headed for yet another existential crisis, maybe it's the lack of medication, maybe it's a new 'real thing' and I just can't handle it. There sure are a lot of maybes here. Anywho... Maybe I'm freaking out because I got used to feeling nothing. Yes, it happens, even if you don't believe it. A person's heart can grow vacant depending on personal expectations and on how other really view that creature. I've always been seen by my friends as ''The Untouchable", it's a hard epitaph to live by... Things like "you get to choose" instead of being chosen is not as carefree as it seems, it might mean that there's no one willing to step up to you, or maybe you're just great on paper, as a day dream or a fantasy... Only the void want to be fantasies, don't get me wrong, they're great, super sexy and all that, but when you're done jerking off what's left? Fantasies are great when you have someone to share them with, if that's not the case, they're just thoughts of lust wasted by time, like everything else.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I know all about grievances... I'm starting this blog in a fowl mood, but fear not, I'm as unstable as they come so I'll probably feel a lot better in a short while. Or not. Anyway, latelly I've been feeling weirder than usual, so I'll be posting a lot of my worries and lunacies in a regular basis. Since I love sticking my nose into other people's business, if anyone who happens to stop by has a question, a doubt or is in some serious need for good advice ( I'm a pro pseudo-psychologist and know it all extraordinaire) don't be shy, just ask! I'll answer to the best of my knowledge according to my mood swings, can't promise it will be nice and sweet, though...