For lack of better things to do...

I've been wondering about the truth in what people tell me... What happens if your instincts fail to tell you to protect yourself, what then? Lately I've discovered that I'm capable of feelings that I thought were restricted to the unwitting... Not that I find anything wrong with the way some halfwits feel or go about things, I'm pro individualism, so do what you have to, my problem lye in the fact that I feel like a teenage girl, wanting things just because... Maybe I'm headed for yet another existential crisis, maybe it's the lack of medication, maybe it's a new 'real thing' and I just can't handle it. There sure are a lot of maybes here. Anywho... Maybe I'm freaking out because I got used to feeling nothing. Yes, it happens, even if you don't believe it. A person's heart can grow vacant depending on personal expectations and on how other really view that creature. I've always been seen by my friends as ''The Untouchable", it's a hard epitaph to live by... Things like "you get to choose" instead of being chosen is not as carefree as it seems, it might mean that there's no one willing to step up to you, or maybe you're just great on paper, as a day dream or a fantasy... Only the void want to be fantasies, don't get me wrong, they're great, super sexy and all that, but when you're done jerking off what's left? Fantasies are great when you have someone to share them with, if that's not the case, they're just thoughts of lust wasted by time, like everything else.