Not so dazed but very confused...

Sometimes I find myself in a fetal position, it doesn't matter if I was sitting on the couch or lying in bed, my knees end up in front of my face and it is comforting. It's also proof that I'm broken, that my ego is fragmented, I'm losing it. If I slip too far there's not much I can do. It has to run it's cycles and going down is always tortuous. Nothing new, nothing I can't take. The mixed ones are the worst because you don't know where you stand. One minute is 'happy happy' and next I'm crying my eyes out. Anxiety is so overwhelming the weed ain't helping much. It's the move, I got all wound-up, there was so much to do in so little time. The new place is great, it's quiet and sleep's no longer a problem. The cable guy's supposed to come this week so it's safe to guess that I won't be seeing him until next. No web, no cable, weed's not working, how will I manage to numb my brain under these circumstances? I've been cycling non-stop, hypomania would be more than welcome at the moment, but it's mostly sadness and anger. It gets so turbulent inside my head... knowing that this will pass as soon as I'm settled is nice but sometimes things slip my mind as it obsesses only with darkness. Automatic thinking is fairly eazy to spot but hard to control when it's flooding my head. I'm afraid of writing because I don't want all of this madness and distortion reflected in anything, I just want it gone! So, for now, the best I can do is wait it out. I'm just worried this mixed state I'm in is just a sign of a coming depression. Since I moved in my new home on wednesday I've been keeping busy busy, just like a crazy person. Evidence? I painted the walls of the living room a bright orange. What was I thinking?! It looks good though, surprisingly. I'm doing my room next, I picked a shade of lilac, someone told me it's supposed to be soothing. We'll see...